Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy New Year

It's the most wonderful time of the year - no really. I love December, Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, whatever it is you celebrate (and I celebrate most of them with equal love).  I love this time of year because it's the time of year when you get together with family, keep traditions, mourn the loss of old ones, and create new ones. It's been a year of change for me, personally and professionally, and I have nothing but hope for 2013.

My family and friends know me really well - well enough to know that when they're at a loss for what to get me (hell, now even when they aren't) they just get me a gift certificate for books. Seriously, I broke into the triple digits for book gift certificates this year.  I used to get actual books - I'd write a list and divide it up between everyone who liked buying me presents and then they'd pick and choose which books they wanted to get me. We all got over that, and everyone realized just handing me a gift certificate wasn't actually a cop-out.  That's a lie. My best friend actually bought me a real book, but she's allowed because she gets me.

That pile of books you see is part of the pile of books I bought with the big-chain bookstore gift certificates (the used book store ones will require more thought).  Here's the thing: I'm a librarian. I love the library. I really really do. Go to the library, we have books and not books, and movies and tons of awesome stuff. But I love having books - actual books, that I can read more than once, and lend out, and maybe get back and read again. So far one of these books is now arguably my favourite book ever (Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore), I finally replaced JPod (seriously, I've owned about 6 copies of this book and they keep mysteriously disappearing), and sorry library hold list a mile long, I just bought Escape from Camp 14.


So come at me 2013.

The Colony of Unrequited Dreams

There are very few books that I would say defined my love of reading. Anil's Ghost is one of them, so is Man of the Century I read both as a kid (ok, more like 15, whatever) and they cemented what to this day I hold as books I still read when I want to remember why exactly I'm a (sort of) librarian. The third book that rounds out my love of reading is The Colony of Unrequited Dreams.  My grandpa was a Newfie, born and raised on the rock, till he ran away to Ontario when he was 15 and rebellious. Grandpa hated confederation, but loved Joey Smallwood. I was raised with a picture of the Queen on the wall, and knowing exactly why cod were important.

My grandpa died when I was 8, and when I was 15 my grandma died. I was a teenager, and sentimental, and was telling my teacher about how much I missed both my grandparents. My English teacher, brilliant man that he was handed me Colony. This brilliantly written book summed up the history of Newfoundland in the best possible way. It followed the life of Joey Smallwood, and Wayne Johnston reels his readers in with his heartbreakingly wonderful history of the Island's entry into confederation. Fielding was a wonderfully unique character, Smallwood became real and the love and longing they had for each other, and their home was wildly apparent.

It is a fictional biography, but in the best possible way. The majority of the facts are true, and written in a way that felt like I was talking to my family. The book is funny, wonderful, heart breaking, lovely and very very real.

Love you Gramps. 

Gamble Everything for Love

Time in Waterloo is always fun for Gambit, something about an acre vs. a condo being a good thing. I generally side with him on that - who wouldn't prefer some space?

I'll admit it. I love the snow. You probably hate me for it, but I miss having a good winter, with a lot of snow. Part of that may or may not be because I hate mud. I hate mud, because Gambit loves mud. I have NO USE for mud. It is not necessary. 

One in every crowd

A good friend of mine from undergrad just turned 30. We had a bunch of our friends crash in our condo, and I realized how much I miss being around not only these guys, but all the guys from my undergrad. I had a job interview for pretty much my dream job in my hometown, and another one for a pretty great job in NWT. Both would be awesome (though I would vastly prefer the one in my hometown).  I'm ready to settle down, grow some roots and start life. 

30th Birthday celebratory Hendriks and Tonic, with cucumber - because not ALL of my life revolves around my dog. just like, 70%. apparently. Or so this blog would have you think. I swear I have a life. I do stuff. I read. Ok, that's probably obvious too. But I leave the house!

What's Past is Prologue

Then:

Now:

I don't even care if I am that person.

Where the heart is

I'm house/cat sitting for my mom while she's in Hawai'i for two weeks for her peace corps reunion.   I love being out in the country - I feel like I can breathe again. I love the city just as much, but something about coming out here is so... relaxing.

When we moved here, it was in the middle of nowhere, all farms, pastures, orchards and the river I've posted so many pictures of. It was so quite when I was 15 and first came here from Toronto. I remember not being to sleep - even when I lived in Stratford we lived down the street from the hospital and sirens were a constant. Here there was nothing - I woke up last night wondering what the noise was, and lo, it was rain.

I'm still not sure where my homes is - I'm pretty certain it's not Toronto, I don't know if it's W'loo but I do know that it involves a fireplace, several animals and a herb garden, an outdoor that's big enough to not see the neighbours, and a house big enough to have everyone over.

Stratford

I went to Stratford the other week, for a few reasons. I stayed with family (obviously) and while I was rifling through the attic (what else do you do when you go to family?) (clearly you rifle through the attic) and I found a few pictures of when I was a kid. As my cousin said to me after posting them on Facebook, I still look the same. No really. I even have the same haircut - that's a little creepy. 

So, here's to yester-years, and the future. Here's to good choices, and bad, here's to hindsight being 20-20 and there's to taking risks and adventure.

Where I'm going, where I've been.

My mom's in NYC for the week - she grew up there and can only handle staying away for so long. So, I'm house-sitting. More exactly, cat-sitting, but that's semantics. It's strange being in the house I grew up in (from grade 9-12, but still) alone. I went from having an amazing job at a huge grocery chain's head office, to nothing when my boss quit and the company threw me under the bus in... punishment? I don't know. After he left, it was awful - weeks of not doing anything, sitting at my desk and listening to people whisper about me.

The point is, when I left the company, I was faced again with What do I want to do with my life. I was never sold on a corporate job - I fell into the position with extreme luck, and was fortunate enough to have an amazing boss who taught me a huge amount in a short short time. When that finished, I don't know if there's much in that world for me. What I DO know is there there's a lot outside that world for me. When I was there, I missed everything I loved about the information field - working with people, different people to solve every changing and dynamic problems, answer fun, intriguing, interesting and complex questions, meeting new people and most importantly, helping people find what they need.

Coming to Waterloo, to mom's (sometimes) dark and scary (usually) peaceful and beautiful acre on the river helped me get my priorities in line. I applied for a job in Edmonton, and withdrew my application. I'm not ready to leave and go west to the different and unknown. I think I wouldn't mind it, but I think I'd rather go back out East if I have to move, but really I'd rather stay in Ontario - anywhere in Ontario. I'm ready for another adventure, and I'm ready to figure out exactly what it is that I want out of life. My feelings about living in Toronto are generally complicated. I love this city, it's where I was born, raised on and off, and where I came back to. I love the people, the feeling, and the energy. But I do miss the quiet. I love my field, I just need to figure out what I love the most about it - what my niche is, and where in it I belong. I miss working in the community, and being part of a community. I don't like I can't volunteer because I don't want to make a commitment that I might have to break.

So, here's to not knowing what you want, not knowing where and how to find it, but knowing that you will.

It occurs to me this blog is boring. Unless you're a librarian.

And maybe you like Barbets. SO.


Mojitos:
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp simple syrup
Juice of 1 lime
2-3 sprigs mint
Soda Water
Havana Club Rum

Muddle (aka crush) Sugars, lime, mint. Add Soda water and Rum. Maybe Ice. To change it up, throw in some fresh cherries, passion fruit or cucumber!


Sangria (Roja):
1 Bottle Red Wine (I like Torro)
Fresh Fruit (Lime, Grapefruit, Orange, Peach, Cherries, Strawberries, Passion Fruit... anything)
1 cup Orange Juice
1 can Fanta Naranja (orange) or Lemon (Look, I lived in Spain. I know this is what they do. really)
2 cups mixed fruit Juice - AYTHING. no really, any mixed fruit juice works

Throw fruit in a jug. Mix in Juice. Stir. Drink. Good for 2 days! I made this batch with just citrus - change it up!

We might not practice Santeria....

Tell the world, that I came home.

True Love

I'm currently in the small, small town where I went to university, and last weekend was the wedding of two friends from undergrad. I can't possibly tell you how amazing it's been being back with everyone. So, I'll show you.


Yeah. This is the life. And if you ask when boy and I are getting married? Here's your answer:

My heart is breaking for my city.

I love Toronto. I was born in Toronto General about 25 years ago, in the same wing my Dad was born in. I moved around most of my life - Stratford, Waterloo, New Brunswick, Spain, Italy and China, but Toronto has always been home. I love this city - I love the diversity, the food, the people, the Zoo - I love it all. Sure it has it's flaws, but this is my home. When I found out the G20 was going to be held in Toronto I was a bit worried. I didn't think it was a good idea to have it here - the history of protests turning violent, or ransacking I didn't want near me. I thought it would be better to have it somewhere else - anywhere else. But, I didn't do what a lot of people did, I stayed in Toronto. Partially because I was working a ballet recital, partially because I wanted to believe that we were better then this.

Turns out, we aren't.

There were some wonderful protests in Toronto:

The WWF had an amazing piece of protest art - heartbreakingly poignant, intelligent and telling.


(credit allvoices.com)

The Raging Grannies came out to protest for the future of their grandchildren

(credit cbc.ca)

And all of this, somehow turned into:


(credit cbc.ca)

and


(credit cbc.ca)

and


(credit cbc.ca)

And in the above instants, everything every peaceful protester was working for was lost.

So I wanted to put this out there. First off, to the World: I'm sorry this is something that you now associate with Toronto. To echo our Mayor David Miller "They are not welcome in this city." This is not who we are, and to those on the outside, I promise you that the majority of us in Toronto are horrified, saddened and sickened that this has happened, and is happening in our city. This is not who we are, this is not what we stand for and this is not what we believe in.

To the police from across Canada who are in Toronto right now. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I don't believe every decision you have made was the right decision, but I do believe you have done the best you could, in an impossible situation. I know you are human too, and I know that none of you came here with the intention to hurt innocent bystanders.

I know that every side has their bias, but I also know that just as not all protesters were violent, I know that not all police are bullies and thugs, beating and arresting people at will. Many of you showed great restraint, just as many of the protesters wanted nothing to do with the violence, neither did you. You have done an amazing job, and please, come back and visit one day, when all of this is over so we can show you everything wonderful our city has to offer. Al, from the Cape Breaton Police Force, if you're in Toronto again look me up, I promise I will show you and all of your friends how great our city can be.

To the criminals who turned a great opportunity for dialogue and protest into something horrible: Get the hell out of my city.

To the protesters who haven't been heard: What you have to say is important, and I truly hope what you have to say can soon be not only heard, but also listened to.


(credit cbc.ca)

Freedom?

I'm officially done my first (and a bit) year of my Masters program. It's been... an intense year - sometimes terrifying, intimidating, daunting, exhilarating, amazing and honestly, a complete blast. I've loved the program, and I am totally in love with all the different things I'm learning, and the directions that this can take me! I've met some wonderful people, and I think we're all pretty thrilled to be done the first hurdle!

I'm pretty darn excited for the next two months of chilling by my pool, seeing and catching up with friends and preparing myself for another, and (oh god) final year of education (probably)... (probably).

Chalk is fun.

The bear you see is named Bearable. When I was a kid, my dad's job was bringing adopted children home. One year, at Christmas, we didn't think he'd make it home. He dropped the baby off in Dallas, Texas, and the family gave him this bear so he wouldn't have to spend the holidays alone, and so it would be bearable to him. He made it home.

Living as a home

It occurred to me that where you live, has a great impact on how you live. I haven't lived in one place for more then 6 years now, and that has defiantly altered my perspective on what my idea of home is: to me, it isn't where I live that is home, it is where the people I love are.

I lived in Toronto till I was 2, then moved to Stratford. when my parents divorced when I was 3, so mom and I moved again when I was 4. In grade 5, I moved in with my dad while mom moved jobs, and I moved back to Toronto when I was in grade 6. Mid way through grade 7, I moved back to Stratford, and in Grade 9, I moved back in with mom to Waterloo. In grade 11, I moved to Spain for a while. Then, I went off to MTA, where I lived in a different place each year, then moved backhere to Toronto.


I think what struck me, is how much STUFF makes it home. My computer, my pillow, my pictures, my books. That seems horribly materialistic, but when you're living in a place and not a home I think this is what makes the difference. Stuff is memories, comfort, familiarity and truly something that matters. It doesn't have to have a cost, just a memory that reminds you of a place that felt more like home.

All I know, is I love my appt, and don't want to move anytime soon, but I know I will. We just painted (one wall is a chalkboard!) and moved furniture around, and got a new workspace, bought a new bed (king size!) and will soon be inviting friends over to draw on the wall- instant art that means something.