Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Where I'm going, where I've been.

My mom's in NYC for the week - she grew up there and can only handle staying away for so long. So, I'm house-sitting. More exactly, cat-sitting, but that's semantics. It's strange being in the house I grew up in (from grade 9-12, but still) alone. I went from having an amazing job at a huge grocery chain's head office, to nothing when my boss quit and the company threw me under the bus in... punishment? I don't know. After he left, it was awful - weeks of not doing anything, sitting at my desk and listening to people whisper about me.

The point is, when I left the company, I was faced again with What do I want to do with my life. I was never sold on a corporate job - I fell into the position with extreme luck, and was fortunate enough to have an amazing boss who taught me a huge amount in a short short time. When that finished, I don't know if there's much in that world for me. What I DO know is there there's a lot outside that world for me. When I was there, I missed everything I loved about the information field - working with people, different people to solve every changing and dynamic problems, answer fun, intriguing, interesting and complex questions, meeting new people and most importantly, helping people find what they need.

Coming to Waterloo, to mom's (sometimes) dark and scary (usually) peaceful and beautiful acre on the river helped me get my priorities in line. I applied for a job in Edmonton, and withdrew my application. I'm not ready to leave and go west to the different and unknown. I think I wouldn't mind it, but I think I'd rather go back out East if I have to move, but really I'd rather stay in Ontario - anywhere in Ontario. I'm ready for another adventure, and I'm ready to figure out exactly what it is that I want out of life. My feelings about living in Toronto are generally complicated. I love this city, it's where I was born, raised on and off, and where I came back to. I love the people, the feeling, and the energy. But I do miss the quiet. I love my field, I just need to figure out what I love the most about it - what my niche is, and where in it I belong. I miss working in the community, and being part of a community. I don't like I can't volunteer because I don't want to make a commitment that I might have to break.

So, here's to not knowing what you want, not knowing where and how to find it, but knowing that you will.

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